I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
