I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
