at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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