Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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