Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
