life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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