Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
