we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
