We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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