Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
