Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hippo gnu deer
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
