HIV tests are more positive than that guy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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