My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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