Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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