Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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