WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
