i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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