She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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