my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
