Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
