I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize