the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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