my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
