Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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