Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
