but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
