I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
