found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
