I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
