he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
