you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
