How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
