at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I need moral support for this bender
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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