you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
