Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The beer is more important than you right now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize