Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
