can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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