im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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