she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
