I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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