he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
