My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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