Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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