so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Panties = found
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