so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
