I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
