Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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