It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
