What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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