whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
