They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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