Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
