Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
