Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
