Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
