I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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