i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
