does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
