haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
