You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
