Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
