Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
