i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
