Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
