I hope mine doesn't look like that
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
