Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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