Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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