seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
