I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
