i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
