He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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