i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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