She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
