We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
