Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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