As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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