I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
