I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
