Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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