Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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