I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize