I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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