So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize