Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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