saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
