my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
