You really coming over, don't trick.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
