I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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