Who did Billy Mays play for?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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