My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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