The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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