Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
